Page 3: If Britain's going to have a culture war, can it be about something serious?

Maybe Page 3 does say something important about modern Britain, but I can't see it

Nicole, 22,  from Bournemouth appears on Page 3 of The Sun
Nicole, 22, from Bournemouth appears on Page 3 of The Sun on Thursday, January 22, 2015 Credit: Photo: The Sun

In America, they are in the midst of a new culture war. Actually, it’s the same old culture war. But it currently has new combatants. Clint Eastwood being the latest draftee.

Skip over to the Washington Post, and you can read Terrance McCoy detailing the burgeoning controversy over Eastwood’s Oscar nominated Iraq war movie American Sniper. To the American Right it represents a poignant and timely tribute to the American fighting man and the ongoing battle against terror. To the American Left it glories in the slaughter of an illegal war and the ruthless killers who fought it. Sarah Palin and Michael Moore have joined the fray. And when those two simultaneously trip the three minute warning, you know the culture war has gone nuclear.

Part of the debate focuses around the film’s controversial central character, deceased Navy SEAL Chris Kyle. Questions have been raised about the accuracy of his autobiography, upon which the book was based. Others are being asked over the basic ethics of the sniper’s deadly trade. But in truth these are side issues. The American Sniper row is really about war, and about peace, and about how America sees itself, and about how America wants the rest of the world to see America.

In Britain we are today in the midst of our own culture war. Ours is about boobs.

Earlier, it was widely reported the Sun had decided to drop topless women from page 3. The anti-Page 3 campaigners, and wider feminist movement, rejoiced. The pro-Page 3 lobby (such as it exists) and defenders of press freedom cried foul.

Then this morning, with a cheeky little wink, who should pop up, but Nicole, 22, from Bournemouth. Cue jubilation from the burly, breast-embracing guardians of free speech. Or 40p nipples. And cue splenetic outrage from the heroic superwomen of feminism’s crack “no boobs at breakfast” brigade.

I like culture wars. I think we need culture wars. The alternative to conflicts over culture is conformity over culture. And any society that finds itself practicing cultural conformity, either by accident or design, has serious issues to address.

But if we are going to have culture wars, could we at least go to war over something substantive? Or heroic? Or maybe even just marginally relevant?

When the scrapping of Page 3 was first reported, it was as if we had witnessed a second Charlie Hebdo. In fact, people literally claimed it was a second Charlie Hebdo. “Where’s the 'Je suis Page 3' movement?” asked Brendan O’Neil, in Spiked. “As surely as Islamists want to crush blasphemy, so they want to crush the Sun. I know, not with guns, but certainly with pressure and harassment and shame. And as Ray Bradbury said, ‘There’s more than one way to burn a book’.”

Yes, but that’s the point isn’t it. The anti-Page 3 campaigners haven’t burnt anything. Or shot anyone. You may not agree with them. But they got organised, made their case and won. The Sun is currently having a laugh at their expense. But one day soon Nicole, 22, will put on her top for good.

And will it matter? Will the fact that in 2015, a national newspaper doesn’t have a semi-naked woman adorning its pages really usher in a new dark age of press censorship?

If the pro-Page 3 lobby want to wage a culture war – or a cultural rearguard action – on behalf of the oppressed British male, great. I’m with you brother. But why not pick a fight worth having? How about the way the debate about maternity rights constantly overshadows the debate over paternity rights. Or challenging the focus on breast cancer, rather than prostate or testicular cancer. Or question the absence of public awareness campaigns to tackle violent crimes committed against men, when a man is twice as likely to be the victim of such a crime as a woman?

I suspect it’s because fights like that require a bit too much heavy lifting. Which is why the anti-Page 3 lobby have picked their particular cause as well.

A couple of years ago I wrote about the superficiality of modern feminist campaigning. All nipples, notes and internet trolls. Well, the trolls have been jailed. We have Jane Austen on our ten pound notes. Page 3 is on the way out.

And what’s happened? Nothing has happened. Yes, the longest march begins with the smallest step. But 87 years ago feminism was securing universal suffrage. Today its engaged in a game of “peekaboo” with Rupert Murdoch. So what precisely is the direction of travel here?

I’m not entirely sure how long the No More Page 3 campaign has been running. But I know this. British feminists have shown greater commitment to the online campaign to get shot of Page 3 than they have shown to the online campaign to Bring Back Our Girls.

But that’s not what it’s about. It’s about fighting the fights you can win, isn’t it sisters? Not necessarily fighting the fights that need fighting. So you pocket your meaningless victories. And then rebrand them as symbolic ones.

Perhaps it’s not about boobs. Maybe behind Nicole’s cheeky wink there does lie a substantial issue reflecting modern Britain, and who we are, and who want to be. But if it is there, I can’t see it. And I suspect 99 per cent of the rest of Britain can’t see it either.

The veterans of Britain’s culture wars were soldiers once. And young.